A fond memory of my mother comes from her weapon of choice: The Spoon. It's brilliant, of course. So dramatic. I can see now what it looks like. It's a large kitchen spoon. Made out of wood. Or maybe plastic. I think I remember that it had holes in it. Like a strainer? It's possible I never saw it at all. I certainly was never actually hit with a kitchen spoon as a child. Or maybe I was. I can't remember.
Family: We all have one. The nuclear structure is so inherent in our society that even if you don't know your biological parents, it still dictates your life. Father. Mother. Sister. Brother. Son. Daughter. We judge ourselves by it. We define ourselves by it. It is, in many ways, the most important part of who we are, of where we've come from, and of who we want to be. It is discipline, it is legacy, it is ownership, it is honor, and it is faith. Father. Mother. Sister. Brother. Son. Daughter.
It didn't always used to be this way.
We used to travel around in packs when society had different rules and guidelines. There were those that were designated hunters, designated birthers, designated spiritual leaders, and so on. We couldn't all have children, because we couldn't feed them and we couldn't travel with all of them. Their definitions were different. Our definitions were different. But this was family.
It went on like this for a many many generations. And then, over a long period of time, a massive shift in human evolution occurred.
Over time we began to settle on farms. Children were the key to the change because we needed more hands to work on the farm and slowly the birth of the modern day family had come to be. Mother. Father. Sister. Brother. Son. Daughter. We began to own and fight over land. Organized religion grew and played it's massive part in human history and shaping the family based on the needs of current power struggles.
And I've heard it predicted that we are again in the midst of the next big human evolutionary shift.
We're overpopulated, running out of resources, and destroying our planet. We no longer need as many children and the struggle for power now lies in technology, so the church is losing it's power to define family. Family is more different today that it was only 50 years ago. The battle for marriage equality aside, LGBTQ people are publicly taking up family with each other. Divorce is commonplace. The definition of family is changing.
So what, then, does that say about us? If this family structure is actually just a product of social change and not biological organizing, what else is just something we've been taught and follow like sheep (or humans, it seems)? Take monogamy, for example. We've not always been destined for one mate and yet it drives the way we spend the majority of our life. Have we been made to feel guilty for wanting anything other than monogamy? And have we been judging ourselves by false standards? What about legacy, discipline, ownership, honor, and faith? And what do we really want? What do we want as animals?
But here we are, in the middle of this organization of our species, and I must say, I am thankful for this current definition of family.
As a gay Rank and File Riff Raff, I am lucky that today we are able to loosen the terms of a traditional nuclear family and I can have a family of my own. You see, Riff Raff, even if you wonder about the structure in which you've been organized, you are still wholly justified to want that organization. I do not feel guilt in that desire to have a family because no matter how we are brainwashed to think, we'll always be brainwashed. We'll always be taught how to think. And at least from a very biased point of view, I can't wait to have a family. I can't wait to teach my children. I can't wait to have a husband and a garden and dinner parties with matching wine glasses.
I asked my mom and it turns out that "The Spoon" never even existed. It was an idea that I was organized to believe and I was taught to react a certain way when I heard the word. My mother brainwashed me.
With that, I'll leave you with these words that I put together. They rhyme:
But when he died, that narcissist,
six feet under, get the gist?
He looked back on his life and thought,
"Had I been that asleep?
Did I abide and hide inside,
desires dark and deep?"
It's hard to know and recognize,
that we are human sheep.
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